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  • Writer's pictureTony Taylor

Do YOU want to look on yourself as a Failure from Fear?

With this first entry, I kickoff what will be a blog (more journal) that will explore, explain, document, and record the work, interests, and efforts which will help me become a better writer and filmmaker. And if I’m fortunate, provide the opportunity to return to the industry I chose to leave back in ’02.

Why I left film will be discussed as this blog moves forward. It is one of the main reasons I am beginning this blog.

With CINEMATIKS, I am also proving to myself that I can overcome what I call the “failure of fear”. Often those two words, “failure” and “fear” are seen or spoken in reverse order. My idea works within that same framework of the “fear of failure” idea.

For example, when I was actively working in the film industry, I was given opportunities (2 in particular) I failed to act on because I was afraid I would fail.

I did nothing.

I accomplished nothing.

For 15 years I have lived with regret about that decision and the others I passed on. And there were others!! You don’t ever want to live with this. If you are reading this and have been presented with an opportunity to further your goals and dreams, but are afraid to act on them, DON’T BE!!!!

If you are reading this (and I much appreciate it), you more than likely are interested in writing and filmmaking. Just getting your foot into the industry is a significant accomplishment. Once you're in, that’s when the real work really begins.

I got in. I was on my way. It took gallons of blood, sweat, and tears but I met the “right” people, worked my ass off, and eventually was accepted into the DIRECTOR’S GUILD of AMERICA as an Assistant Director. I consider entry into the guild, one of the proudest moments of my life. Even today, I maintain that membership. This past January (2019), I celebrated my 20th year as a member.

With my new membership in the DGA, I began realizing that the 4AM mornings and 16 hour days were paying off. Later on, while working on a pilot for a proposed FOX TV show at UniversaI Orlando, the Executive Producer asked if I would consider going to LA to work as an Associate Producer if they sold the pilot.

At first, I was excited about the idea. This invitation was my big break. Finally, someone saw something in me. But then I started to really think about the offer.

What if I screwed up? What if I got out to LA, they found out I didn't know what I was doing, and I was fired from the show? How could I come back to Florida having failed at the one thing I only wanted to do with my life? Instead of celebrating this moment, I was now flushing it down the toilet because I was scared.

I gave into fear by convincing myself I had a good thing going on in Florida. Why leave a sure thing for an unknown chance? By continuing in Florida, I wouldn't screw up something I already had, right? I quit on the idea of going to LA. I quit my passion because I was afraid. With that decision, I didn't screw up. I fucked up.

“You only fail when you quit”.

Read that sentence 100 times daily. Burn it into your brain. Never forget what it’s saying. Whatever YOUR passion is, don’t fail because of fear. Don’t quit.

Working in the film industry isn’t easy. The hours suck. The working conditions can suck. Those who are in charge of running the production can sometimes be out of their fucking minds, and I mean crazy.

But if you are following your passion, none of that bullshit matters.

Trust me when I tell you this. You are living your dream. On top of that, you will never meet better people, make better friends, or find a better family than your passion’s profession.

For 15 years I have thought of nothing else I could or want to do than working in the film industry. Why? It’s my passion, and passions don’t die quickly unless you kill them yourself because of fear.

So what’s this got to do with the CINEMATIKS-thing?

I'm still working on that question. What I do know is that right now CINEMATIKS is going to be a place with no other purpose than to strengthen my skills in writing and filmmaking so that I can follow my passion.

Realize that having questions about future means you are thinking about the future. You are not standing still in a puddle of regret like I have been over the years.

I don’t know where CINEMATIKS will lead, and that's a good thing! I was afraid to face that unknown, and it got me nowhere. CINEMATIKS is going to be the primary tool I use to see this thing through.

I welcome any and all help along the way. Maybe CINEMATIKS should be like the actual making of a movie, and you cannot make a film all by yourself.

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